When I was a little girl, I read books about far off places both real and imaginary. I devoured stories of fantastic places and constantly dreamed. I dreamed of creating my own world. I would lay awake at night, my mind reeling and painting my daydreams in hues of my own design.
(I also regularly suffer from insomnia but oh well.)
For many years, I prescribed to the notion that you must sacrifice your dreams to live. Writing doesn’t pay the bills was my mantra. I wanted to write and experience the world. But as I told myself time and time again, the chances of writing something to sustain myself was very small. I never had the confidence in my abilities. Admitting to those around me that I wanted to write a book was something I did timidly. I never stopped writing, but it was for myself. I never fully believed that anyone would enjoy anything I wrote or any of the stories that brewed in my brain.
And then, when I was 25, I lost my mother. It changed me even when I didn’t realize that it had. I retreated and became an echo of myself. And while, on the surface, I was functional, deep down, I was in a dark place. It was then that I stopped writing. Grief zapped my energy. It drilled holes into my soul. I settled.
But time passed.
And, of course, things happened. Things that I may go into further some other day. The short story is that more grief with a dash of heartbreak colored the next 5 years of my life. But through all of that, something else emerged. It was me. Not the me that was defined grief but the real, technicolor me. It was like slowly waking up from a hazy dream (or maybe a hangover). And now here I am, 30 and ready to pursue my dreams. I quit my “safe” job weeks ago – one where I was content but not truly happy – to live a life that I’ve only imagined. Every month I’ll be setting my feet in different places, in different soil. I’ll be experiencing what the world has to offer. I’ll be working on a book and I’ll be here, keeping you all posted on my travels. Some of you out there have known me all my life. Some of you might barely know me but know someone else connected to me. Or maybe you’re a stranger who stumbled upon this space. Either way, welcome. Welcome to my world.
Soon, I’ll be in Costa Rica. Stay tuned!